I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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