I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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