I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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