so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
