WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
