He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
