I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
