All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
