she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
