I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
