Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
