Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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