I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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