Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
