my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
