I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize