i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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