The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
