Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
