Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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