you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
