I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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