that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
