I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and she was petting her beer can
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
