I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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