you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
