No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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