I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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