yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
