Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
