Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
