yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize