wrigley field is MILF paradise
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
