I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
