you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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