So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
