just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
