Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
