Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
