At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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