farters have to be the big spoon...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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