Don't make out with my wife yet
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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