The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My balls are so social today.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
