The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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