maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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