Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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