called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
