Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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