the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
