Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
