I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
