Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
