Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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