you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
