I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
