Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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