you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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