even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
