My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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