Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
