shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
