I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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