Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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