I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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