do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
