Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
