WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
