a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
