wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
