he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
