I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
