I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
